Talk to my hand

Moody

It was 3 Pm, Marie was at work and texted I love you, John.

The message was delivered and so she was staring at the screen for John to read the message and reply her back in his romantic tone of message and smileys. It was 2 minute that Marie was running out of patience and decided to call him. But, she remembered her last call to John ended up with disappointment. Marie called John frequently to talk about her day, making plans, her experiment which she does in the lab. John seemed uninterested in her topics. She also tried being romantic but it was of no use to bring the John behave like happy old days. She just didn’t know the reason behind his strange behavior. So she kept the phone down back in the drawer. Nothing can stop her from messaging her to John when she misses him so much, and this was that time. Rather than listening to his harsh tone and in hesitation. She started typing that there’s a new restaurant in downtown and they should definitely try it in evening. She pressed send option. Then again she remembered that John did not like paying bills. So she also texted him that she would be paying the bills.

It wasn’t like John was the unsuccessful person, he was one of the best business analysts. It was months John had taken Marie out for a date and Marie thought this would be the reason because he said it her once that he don’t like paying bills so cannot go out for dinner.

What kind of a boyfriend does that?

She was nervous and happy to go out with him. She was waiting eagerly at the bus stop for him. When she saw him coming. Smiling.

Ah, everything’s fine

That evening, no matter how hard Marie tried being romantic, John just dropped the topic. Eventually, Marie didn’t want to spoil the evening and so went along with his side of talks. He didn’t even wait to spend time with her. Just left.

Marie saw him going. Sadly.

Weeks passed by, Marie didn’t receive any messages from him. So it was clear like pure rain water or mirror that could reflect light or black surface that could absorb whole heat that John has lost interest in her.

She just didn’t know what to do, how to bring him back!

All efforts to ignore his behavior or getting along with his loss of interest thing and forgetting about him were in vain.

She just loved him so much!

One night when Marie was watching TV with her family with John dominating her mind, her phone blinked as a message is received. She checked it and a wide smile spread on her face. It was John. They talked about movies, music, work and etc for hours through messages.

Then, Marie send him a text asking what his problem was!

It was almost an hour in the argument that John denied telling her anything. That was when she quit! Stopped asking him and thought to behave as their breakup never minded her. She was enjoying her life more than she was with John.

Some weeks later:

Marie started hearing rumors about a girl who John was dating. This was a sudden shock right to her nerves, but she pretended to be as cool as ice on her head would be. Something was cracking and shouting inside her that still, she is struggling her feelings for John, he has set out with another girl so soon like she mattered nothing to him from the start and all his romance was fake, on the outside, she was smooth as a music.

She prayed for all the rumors to be fake. To her horror, one day she finds out she was absolutely wrong.

Then she realized that John was actually in love with this another girl and this was the reason he denied telling her why he was a changed man to Marie. Why he cannot be a normal boyfriend and love her like she wanted him to do. All her trust in love and magnificent hope for getting back in life as she was before vanished. The person whom she loved most, did everything for his happiness never ever bothered about her feelings.

All she could think about was I can never be in love with someone. But, I’ll never spare this man for hurting me, for not taking care of me, leaving me to rot in my mourning period.

—-xxx—-

Marie had become a successful researcher. It was cold evening when she was walking back home from work and on her way she saw couples holding hands, hugging under a shade of the tree where no one can see them. Now she found it very creepy. She can never think about this ever, also she hated her old self when she gave more importance to others than herself which was the main reason for her low confidence.

Later that evening she posted a photo on Instagram with her colleagues having waffles at a famous snacks store just opened in her city. John was one of her followers to like it. Well, she was obviously not following him back.

Her mobile blinked a text as she was going to bed. It was John.

You look beautiful in the photo. The number was not saved in her phone, but she could see his display photo and figured out it was him.

The very nice thing that she did was to delete that freak’s message and went to sleep calmly.

Moral: The only thing that Marie wanted was to be kind and not to lose her anger and friendship to John, she thought it might be easy to stay friends. But, the more she stayed in his environment the more she was disappointed. Maybe Marie was too weak and emotional to move on and when you are too weak, just let the person go on his way and stop being kind to them. Behave the way they did to you. Make them realize that they are also unimportant for you as you are to them. In short, being kind is not an option for all situation, there has to be some roughness in you to handle such circumstances.

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A part of my dream

I always fumble
couldn’t help, mumble
in my dreams
I stay up all night
or wake up violently

I want to grab my phone and call you
to talk for hours and hours
till my soul is satisfied to the deep
now it can be done only when I am asleep

I die every night
and wake up at morning
like everything is alright.
Because, I met you in my dreams
with a hope of attention
A ray of coming back to me

I was about to make a deal with a demon
to let me sleep in peace
don’t scare me
with their darkness
And your love which was hollow and empty

I begged demons
in my unilluminated sleep
to get me back on track
in the return of something

I want to erase the part of you in my memory
to steal away those times I was with you happy and merry

Demon asked me for my soul
But I couldn’t trade it
my soul loved you
I won’t share it with anyone just like it

Demon forced me to deal
to accept the agony
Sufferings was on both the sides
but, anyway I wanted to heal

Before I could utter any words of acceptance
you pulled me away
took me to the safest place
I could ever be

I fumbled stupidly
And mumbled something
Then I was awake
Sad and broken
Finding you weren’t there in reality
But you were in a part of my dream !!!

Echoes

I feel a burden on me.
Like I have lost a precious key.
Some days I try loving a lot,
Some days I just get tired.
And stop trying to become the one I am not.

Though there’s smile on my face.
I behave like I am lost in space.
There’s something killing me within.
Or else, I just imagine.
I go deep in my mind.
To see what’s bothering me inside.
I see you having a talk with me.
Your eyes with a glint of shine.

I feel not to let you go.
You made me feel strong, but now I am so low.

Your voices are echoing inside my head.
Each and every word that you had said.
There is no way out of this anymore.
I am stuck inside a locked door.
Only one way that I can see.
To lay a burden on me.
So you can be free of me.